I made it! One week down and seven more (or so…) to go.
On Tuesday morning I awoke with anxiety and dread. Starting work meant: this is real, I won’t see Ram. I was in a bit of a panic wondering, should I turn my work down and just buy a plane ticket to Israel?! Was I supposed to go home with Ram? Did I make the right decision in staying here? Am I selling myself short by going back to the Heart Center? Should I find a job someplace else? I don’t want to be stuck in a rut. I want to go on another adventure.
All of these thoughts swirled around in my head as I got ready for work. I could hardly eat because of all the feelings swimming around in my stomach. I called Ram and through a big lump in my throat, told him what I was feeling. We talked, I cried, I felt a little better and was off to work. It was really scary going back to work. I was really nervous. I fear what everyone might think of me for constantly leaving and coming back, I feel judged. I feel like I’m standing on stage with a microphone in my face, a big fat spot light above me, and everyone staring while I’m hounded me with questions. But, after the first hello with each person, I relax more and more and feel like I’m just part of the crowd. Everyone was really welcoming and laid back. By the end of the day I was much more content with my decision and with my current situation. It already feels like I never stopped working there.
I miss Ram terribly especially at night but I’ll see him in seven weeks and it’s really not THAT long. Until then I’m keeping myself occupied with jogging and reading. I jogged 1.5 miles twice and 3 miles twice this week. You would not BELIEVE how sore I was after my first 1.5 mile jog, it was a laughable and then… I jogged 3 miles and could hardly walk at all! I was so sore it was BAFFLING! It could have been in part to the fact I had one pair of tennis shoes and they are too small and not really meant for jogging. I ordered a pair of Brooks Ghosts and the two jogs I’ve done so far in them have gone much better. I’m not nearly as sore (could be that my legs are out of shock mode) and I feel really comfortable during my runs. They’re big enough for my feet and cause much less of an impact of my joints with each stride. So far I love them!
By the way I haven’t yet finished “To Kill a Mockingbird” but I’m pretty close.
In Israel they are celebrating the Jewish New Year. Here it’s just the end of one week and the beginning of another but I feel motivated to see this week as a new beginning. I’m going to try something new this week! Why don’t you too? Even if it’s just a new coffee.
Be curious, be true to yourself and be alive!