Two weeks down, six to go!
UHG! I’m so glad this week is over! It was a really, really, really hard week. I was so stressed out about work, and Ram being gone that I could hardly eat or sleep. Sometimes our situation makes me extremely mad! I hate the uncertainty of not knowing how long it will take. I hate feeling like our lives are on hold. It feels unfair. Every couple of months were faced with more changes and more decisions, always trying to figure out what our next plan is; in attempt to be together as much as possible. There are some really amazing times no doubt, but as amazing as those times are they are followed by equally hard times. It’s hard to feel secure when everything is uprooted every three months. It’s hard to relax when as soon as I get used to a routine it ends and a new one starts. Adventure life is a double edged sword, full of bittersweet moments/months. I love it and I hate it, but I’d never change it.
I’ve been having such a hard time the last week that I decided to buy a notebook to write all my thoughts in. With Ram being gone I feel betrayed, abandoned, and not good enough. My logical brain understands it’s NOT true at all, but my emotional brain has a harder time. Those feelings aren’t because of him, they’re caused by years of an unhealthy relationship with myself and with others. Most of my past I’d rather forget but ignoring it won’t help me make peace with it. So I’m going to write my thoughts down and burn them. Maybe it will help me get them out and let them go.
On a lighter note, I finished “To Kill a Mockingbird” and I’ve kept up with my jogging! The next book I’m starting is Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. It reads a lot different than “To Kill a Mockingbird” so it’ll take a little adjusting.
As I said last week I wanted to try something new this week. I decided that since I’m married to a Mediterranean I wanted to try making hummus. The beans are still on the stove so… I’m not yet sure how it’ll turn out. I’ll post the details when it’s done.
Here’s a quote I really love from a podcast I listened to this week:
“it’s easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting”