We’ve finally reached the Sea! We’ll follow the coast to Tel Aviv (about three days). I’m happy and relieved to see it. Another mile stone down, check.
Something in the waves crashing and the water, that seems to go for infinity, captures me. I’m pulled out of my thoughts and my body. The aches and pains disappear. For a second I feel completely still. It’s like being reset. My cells stop, my heart stops, my brain stops and I’m rebooted. I close my eyes, listen to the waves and I am new.
The INT has been HARD, physically and mentally. It really tries our patience. Everyday there is tedious terrain; mud, sand, quick sand, rocks, all the above… with rain. Maybe it’s like how hiking the PCT was in the 70’s before the routes were completed or the trail was obvious. It’s basically off trail hiking. It’s exciting at first then just exhausting and irritating. After we slip around for a few hours it gets old… Even so we’ve gotten to the Sea about a week faster then most people AND we’re doing it in worse conditions.
I’ve been questioning myself a lot. Why am I hiking? Do I even like it? I can never decide if the good outweighs the bad?
After so many years of feeling expected to love it maybe it’s ruined my ability to. Can I separate the years of hiking out of force from these years of hiking out of choice? It’s so deeply engrained in me I can’t see my own desire. Can I allow myself to enjoy it? Can I let myself decide I don’t? Can I see myself as something other than a hiker? It’s become a big part of my identity since I was five years old. We’re so entangled together I’m not sure who’s who.
I came to a realization. The main reason I hike is because it serves an image I like, one of strength and wildness. Not because I love it. My favorite part is when it’s over . I feel a little bit like a fraud. I’m no hiker, I’ve just done a bit of it.
Ya, I don’t like hiking, I like traveling.
Walking is LAME.
Sunrise on our beach camp.