Last weekend Ram and I took a trip to the woods. I wanted to clear my mind and connect to my center. When I’m grounded and centered I can hear my inner wisdom better. I was intent on answering a question that has been heavy on my heart. Should I stay in Israel or go home? There are many things to consider but none of them clearly tip the scale one way. During my attempt to ask the universe for clarity I really didn’t think I’d get any.
We wondered the woods and talked until the sun went down.
That night something shifted in me and everyday since it has been clear that it’s time to move on. It’s time to go home. There was something keeping me here (other than the obvious, Ram) but that has faded. I can only assume that I learned whatever it was I needed to learn here. It may be a month or a week until I leave, it all depends on what happens at my visa appointment this Thursday.
Ram also feels that it’s time to move on. For him it means preparing mentally and logistically to move to the states. He wants to move back to Alonim and live with his parents to save money while preparing to move. He’s currently looking for someone to rent our apartment. Once he finds someone we’ll/he’ll move back to Alonim, which is even more incentive for me to go home. I really do not want to be back there. There is even less to do, and most of all there is no beach! I’ve come to really love the beach!
Going back home terrifies me. It’s more than terrifying, it’s paralyzing. There are so many unknowns. Most of all I’m scared of how I’ll feel leaving Ram. I dread that airport goodbye. I know how hard our last few separations were and now we’re closer than ever. Ram is my partner, my other half, my soulmate… it hurts a lot to be separated but it also feels like the right thing to do.
I have to keep in mind that this will be our last separation. After this, he’ll be living in the states. Also, I have a important mission to accomplish back home. I want to establish a life and home where he can land; a place where he can be relaxed and free to take all the time he needs to ease into a new life.
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” -Mandy Hale