The past week was very synchronized and I’m grateful.
The very same day that I posted my last blog about going home a gentlemen decided to rent our apartment and buy our refrigerator! Two big birds with one stone. We have to be out of the apartment by June 8th after which we’ll be living in Alonim, at Ram’s parents house. It’s not ideal but I’ll be leaving soon and so will Ram; hopefully no more than two months after me.
Wednesday was a holiday (some holiday called “weeks” holiday). To celebrate we went to a big BBQ at Ram’s friends house. There were about ten married couples, all around our age, and many young kids. I was dreading the event. It can be so awkward! I was worried that I’d have no one to talk to and be too shy to initiate conversation. To my surprise the awkwardness was minimal. I talked to everyone and had such a great time I didn’t want to leave.
We left around 10pm because of my visa appointment at 8am the next morning and it was an hour and a half drive to get home. Despite my hesitation I had agreed to drive back, so Ram got so drunk that once he sat in the car he passed out and slept the whole way. He was supposed to be my navigator! Thankfully I had my phone with google maps on it!!! It was terrifying because I didn’t have a clue where to go, I was tired, it was dark and there was a lot of fast heavy traffic; probably drunk people driving home. I made several wrong turns and missed turns but after about two hours I got us home without incident. Phew! I was very proud of myself. It was my first time driving a long distance in Israel on my own. It’s still scary driving in Israel. Especially because drivers here are CRUEL and extremely impatient. They will honk at you for anything and everything.
The next morning we made it to my appointment. For a 175 shekels they extended my visitors visa to July 1st. As I mentioned in my last post I feel like it’s time to go home. This is, after all, what we’ve been wanting; to live in the US together. So on the same day I bought a flight ticket, for June 15th. It was really hard to buy a ticket. I fought myself during the whole process. It probably took me two hours to do a ten minute process because buying a ticket makes leaving real and it scares the hell out of me. But, thank the universe I bought it when I did because the next day I checked flights (just out of curiosity) and the best flight was $400 more and 3 hours longer.
I’m really scared about leaving Ram. I wonder, how am I going to come up with the strength to leave physically leave? I tear up just imagining another airport goodbye. We’ve had three of them already and each one was harder than the last. I think I may have even more anxiety this time because three months ago I couldn’t do it. But I have to remember this is our last goodbye; our last separation. I still feel sick though. I feel sick knowing that in ten days I won’t be falling asleep next to him or waking up next to him. I’ll miss his kisses and his hugs more than anything in the world.
Here’s some random dialogue between Ram and I that happened a couple days ago. I wanted to share it because it touched my heart. A million tiny things made me fall in love with him and a million tiny things keep me in love with him.
Ram burst into the bedroom. I sat on the bed leaned against the wall; laptop resting on my thighs.
“I think it’s time for sweatpants. It has been for some time now.” he said
“Ya, I agree” I replied as he slid them on.
“Hey, we match!” I declared pulling at my sweatpants.
“Always” he said softly with a smile as he left the room.